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BREAKING: TWO FIGHTING IN GOVERNMENT HOUSE: Confirmed News reaching us has it that a governor who is already under a curse from two pastors slapped his deputy over argument on demolition of Christian houses. The deputy did not respond immediately. But when both the governor and his deputy were with some cabinet members, the deputy gave the governor a dirty slap. And since the deputy governor is taller than the governor, the governor fell down and was rushed to hospital for medical care. Neither the ADC to the governor nor the ADC to the deputy governor said anything. They only watched the drama as it is beginning to be clear that most people are NOT in support of the demolition exercises, rather than carrying out projects for people's welfare. We want to categorically assert that this is a confirmed news. When we heard it as rumour yesterday 23rd March, 2016 we had to carry out independent confirmation today and we could vividly confirm the news. Though funny. But this i...

Reverse Psychology, Nigeria and the Trump Factor By Reno Omokri In my opinion, recent events in the United States point to a very telling reality: Republican leaders do not understand reverse psychology. The mood in America right now is like an angry young man. Donald Trump is like a beautiful but controversial woman. Republican leaders are like parents clashing with the angry young man and ordering him not to marry the controversial beauty. The more hardline the parents are, the more attracted the angry young man would be to the controversial beauty. All this time, the controversial beauty is saying all the right sweet nothings into the ear of the young man who is eager to eat the bearded meat that his parents forbid for him. How do I know this? Because this is all  Déjà vu to me. In my native Nigeria we saw this phenomenon play itself out. Many young Nigerians were too young to remember the days when a certain dictator seized power through the barrel of guns and pro...

Mohammed Abad lost his penis 38 years ago after he was run over and dragged 600 yards when he fell into the road during a snowball fight aged 6. After the accident, doctors attached a makeshift fleshy tube, but it wasn’t until 2012 that the NHS was able to fit him with an 8inch state-of-the-art art bionic penis worth £70,000 ( N20m). He has now tested it for the first time with sex worker Charlotte Rose, 35. After the rump, Abad, a security guard from Edinburgh, said: “It was great. I’ve been waiting for this day since I was 18. But now a big burden is off my back and I’m so happy.” It took surgeons at University College London, 3 years to mould Abad’s new penis using skin taken from his arm. It has two tubes which inflate to give him an erection when he presses a button on his testicle. Abad married in 2012 but only told his wife he had no penis on their wedding night. This made the marriage crash. Charlotte, 35, got in touch with Abad after hearing about his plight and he asked he...

Jacob Eniola's Candle flickered, and went out. March 2014 was the first time I saw him strolling towards the entrance of the iconic room 113, Biobaku Hall of Residence, bright, confident, enthusiastic and likeable. Unlike Jesus voyage to Jerusalem today, his was not quite triumphant. And like most freshmen, it takes the intervention of a stale student, Lateef Zabuur Olawale to get him a bedspace in the hostel. Young, naive and ready to learn, he became the toast of everyone in the room. Hardly can a minute pass without Enny, as fondly called, ease smiles out of us. He made us sit up and do research with his brilliant, though unending arguments. He taught us what strict adherence to tenets and laws of of Cherubim and Seraphim denomination entails as he was very meticulous with Bible study, garment sanctity and handling of his holy sword made of wood. From Chinedu Hova Egwunye, Asaolu Oluwagbemiga Oluwadamilola, Olatuyi Olawole, Modiu Olaguro to Kunle Adegunoye he became our ...

1403 Buhari’s Presidency: From Indifference to Outright Nepotism By Modiu Olaguro . “Kai, seriously embarrassed at what I’m hearing these illiterate artisans say about Buhari here now. Not sure this man can ever recover from this goodwill bungling. The words are unprintable. Decency won’t allow me post here.” - Suraj Tunji Oyewale on Facebook. . The inability of the All Progressives Congress (APC) to embrace change, its motto, a central theme to the party’s success at the 2015 polls has been largely attributed to the disparity between the change the ruling party rode on to power and that which the citizenry envisioned; the extent at which they hold the electorates in contempt, and most visibly, the indiscipline among members of the party’s core leadership, a manifestation of the lip service gladiators in the nation’s political space pay to the covenant they make with the people. . The conundrum becomes more worrisome when one beams a searchlight on the biggest beneficiary of th...

I n 2003, I wrote a novel called Purple Hibiscus , about a man who, among other things, beats his wife, and whose story doesn't end too well. While I was promoting the novel in Nigeria, a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man, told me he wanted to advise me. (Nigerians, as you might know, are very quick to give unsolicited advice.) He told me that people were saying my novel was feminist, and his advice to me – he was shaking his head sadly as he spoke – was that I should never call myself a feminist, since feminists are women who are unhappy because they cannot find husbands. So I decided to call myself a Happy Feminist. Then an academic, a Nigerian woman, told me that feminism was not our culture, that feminism was un-African and I was only calling myself a feminist because I had been influenced by western books. (Which amused me, because much of my early reading was decidedly unfeminist: I must have read every single Mills & Boon romance published before ...

 Why being lazy and procrastinating could make you wildly successful By Rebecca Burn-Callander Bill Gates said he would always 'hire a lazy person to do a difficult job' at Microsoft 'because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it' As children we were told that we would never amount to anything if we were lazy and that hard work was the key to success. But what if laziness and procrastination could actually help you go further in life? There are a few reasons why being an eager beaver isn't always a good idea. Some problems may end up getting solved without any effort from you. And is a first-mover advantage all it's cracked up to be? How to stop procrastinating - now It's the second mouse that gets the cheese. The hapless first mouse could end up getting trapped in its efforts to get ahead. Bill Gates once said that he would always "hire a lazy person to do a difficult job" at Microsoft. Why? "Because a lazy perso...

FUNNY BUT  EDIFYING IBO PROVERBS... Ibos are one of African tribes with great sense of humour; even when inculcating wisdom... Few of these proverbs can explain better! If a plantain refuses to ripen because it doesn't want to be fried, then it will be used for plantain chips When the dog was asked why it licks it's own scrotum, it said "because nobody will do it for me". A man who believes that he can do everything, let him dig a grave and bury himself. A man with a missing tooth does not eat ugiri with relish. He who desires to swallow the udala (cherry) seed must first consider the size of his anus He who sleeps with an itchy anus will wake up with a smelly finger The goat that resorts to laughter when it meets a lion should be examined of the kind of grass it has been eating A person who arrives at a feast when the cooked meat is being pulled out of the pot does not know what was endured by others to catch and cook it. When a drunken man meets...

I was never suicidal. In fact, when I watch movies and see people commit suicide, I wonder what makes some people take their lives in real life. Exactly one year ago, I was in a bus heading home from an event I went to speak at and was at the bus stop for over an hour because there was no bus for reasons I can’t remember. I finally got into a rickety bus. Upset at the fact that I wasn’t only squashed at the back seat between two men with body odor, I knew I had no money in my account, I had no idea where the next meal would come from and I honestly didn’t want to ask anyone. I felt my life was slow and everyone was moving so fast and already ahead. I walked into the house and everything I did afterwards was not deliberate. I remember opening my eyes and the nurse said to me “It's a shame you tried to kill yourself, what happened to you?” That question couldn’t be answered. The truth is, I was just fed up! The issues were way bigger than I could explain on a hospital bed. I f...

Sanusi Lamido's response to Sir Olaniwun Ajayi's book titled "Nigeria , Africa 's failed asset?" "Let me start by saying that I am Fulani (laughter). My grandfather was an Emir and therefore I represent all that has been talked about this afternoon. Sir Ajayi has written a book. And like all Nigerians of his generation, he has written in the language of his generation. "My grandfather was a Northerner, I am a Nigerian. The problem with this country is that in 2009, we speak in the language of 1953. Sir Olaniwun can be forgiven for the way he spoke, but I cannot forgive people of my generation speaking in that language. "Let us go into this issue because there are so many myths that are being bandied around. Before colonialism, there was nothing like Northern Nigeria, Before the Sokoto Jihad, there was nothing like the Sokoto caliphate. The man from Kano regard himself as bakane. The man from Zaria was bazazzage. The man from Katsina was b...